The Midwife--Part 1

The first time I met Agnes, I was 16 weeks pregnant with our third child. A friend of mine had told me that she was an amazing midwife here in Ottawa and that I would love her. My friend had birthed her second child at home under her care. She had had a difficult labor and was passing out between every contraction. In a moment where she no longer was progressing in her labor, Agnes said, with her Irish accent, “well, it looks like we’re going to have to rush ya over to the hospital since you’re not progressing.” My friend, being determined not to go to the hospital, began doing everything in her power to progress things along, and had a baby less than an hour later.

“I swear she used reverse psychology on me, she is that good."

When I found out I was indeed pregnant in December of 2011, I phoned the midwives office and asked to be seen by Agnes. “It looks like she’s all booked up,” the secretary replied, “oh no wait, she has one more spot, when would you like to come in?” Midwives in Canada act under certain laws in order to provide the very best of care for their patients, making them only able to take on four clients per month, based on their delivery date. I was her fourth, and little did I know that getting into this spot would change my view on many things, especially the power that women hold within themselves.

I made sure that Blake, my husband, was with me when we went to meet Agnes. Years before that, when I was searching for a midwife for our firstborn, I had gone to this clinic and interviewed with a midwife that I was not particularly fond of. I left feeling disconnected, and so I decided to go with an obstetrician instead. I wanted to make sure that I liked my midwife and had a good connection with her. I wanted to have a good birthing experience. I wanted to have the kind of experience that confirmed my beliefs about woman and their inherent nature to birth babies and in the process, I wanted to feel empowered by my experience.

When Agnes walked into the small room, I beheld exactly what I had envisioned her to be. A 60 year old Irish woman who was short, about 5 foot nothing, plump, grey hair, a jolly smile, and piercing blue eyes that seemed to scan your brain and read your mind, just anxious to meet her next victim... client. Our two kids were there with us.  She didn't waste any time and began to download her beliefs of the power that women possess. I can't remember half of what she said, but I remember wanting to believe her, and the other part of me wanting to run on the opposite direction. I had failed too many times in my life to believe that what she was saying about women could actually apply to me. Blake was the one who convinced me to stick it out with Agnes, and so I did it, purely out of trust in him.

Fast forward  21 weeks. It was 3:00 in the morning, I layed awake thinking…thinking about all the women I knew who had given birth. I thought about their strength and about what it was that got them through the most physically excruciating hours of their lives. I lay there wondering why it was that I felt the need to have a baby without medical intervention, and if I could actually do it and come out of it feeling satisfaction from the experience, which wasn’t exactly the case with my first two children. My husband, laying motionless next to me, was supportive either way. I thought about Agnes, and her strong convictions about the strength that women possess, about how she felt that in our American society, women were stripped of their divine nature to trust in their bodies to birth naturally in today’s medically driven society. Why did it matter so much to her, after-all, she had never felt the pain of childbirth herself. After an hour of thinking uncomfortably and not being able to think myself back to sleep, I felt a strong jerk in my stomach. I placed my hands on my bloated abdomen, and began to feel cramping. Thinking I was simply passing gas, I cradled myself into the fetal position in hopes to find some relief, when I felt a trickle down my leg. You gotta be kidding me, I whispered quietly to myself. I knew I should have been more diligent about my kegel exercises, but man did I ever hate doing them and I was now peeing myself at 4:15 in the morning, 41 weeks pregnant. I rolled myself off our bed, and waddled my way into the washroom. I sat on the toilet, took off my pajama bottoms, and placed them on the counter. It suddenly occurred to me, meaning my pregnancy brain finally caught up to me, that I was a week overdue, and I had just “wet” myself. I quickly picked up my pants, and began smelling them with my congested nose. Nothing. No smell. Ugh, I groaned. I continued to do everything in my power to try and smell. It had to be urine. My water doesn’t break, I said to myself as I recalled my two previous birthing experiences in which my water had to forcefully be broken. I began feeling more cramping and more uncomfortable. I reached over and started a hot bath. I wanted to be home, and labor at home as long as possible before turning myself in to the hospital. Two false alarms under my belt was embarrassing enough. Admitted twice, discharged twice. How could I not know what labor was by now, I really should know my body better especially with this being my third pregnancy. The tub was nearly filled, more filled than it would have been 9 months ago when I didn’t need to fill it to the rim to cover my entire body. I dipped my foot in, and sat down carefully, when the door creaked open. It was Blake.

“What’s going on, babe?” his eyes were half shut.

“Oh I’m just taking a bath, don’t worry. Nothing is happening, just go to bed.” I wanted him to get as much sleep as he could since he had to get up at six am for work. He was reluctant to say anything, but finally did.

“Well, I hate to say this, but it’s 4:30 in the morning, and you’re taking a bath. That’s not very normal…” He waited for my reply, as I sat there hating that he just stated the obvious.

“Ok, well maybe you can smell my pants and tell me if you think I peed my pants, or if my water broke.” His eyes grew big and he quickly woke up and stuffed my pants under his nose. He was in the same situation I was in, stuffy and unable to smell. He held them close to his nose and took about 5 big wiffs.

“That’s not pee, we need to call Agnes.” He was right.

He brought me the phone, and I grudgingly called the emergency pager, feeling badly for waking her up for nothing, and for potentially another one of my false alarms. A few minutes later, I see an unknown number appear on my phone. “Hello?” I said tiredly.

“Hi Catherine, it’s Agnes…so what’s going on?”

“Well, I’m uncomfortable. I don’t know. Nothing is really happening, but I was thinking you could come over here to check my progression instead of me going into the hospital just yet.”

Blake whispered to me with big eyes, “tell her you think your water broke!” Oh right, that’s why we were calling, not just to tell her nothing was happening.

“Yea, maybe my water broke, I’m really not sure. I felt my stomach jerk and then I was wet, so maybe it was my water, I just don’t know.” I really didn’t know, I was so tired from being awake for so long and I didn’t seem to register what was happening.

“Okay, Catherine, I’m going to take a quick shower, it takes less than 5 minutes, then I will make my way over to your place. If anything changes, ya need to call me.” Her Irish accent made her statement feel that much more certain.

“Alright. No rush, I’m feeling fine. Thank you, Agnes.”

Why did I call her again? I felt a little silly for calling when I was feeling fine, I could have waited a few hours and let the poor woman sleep! Agnes always looked like she could have used an extra 10 hours of sleep. Her life was midwifery, she was married to it as she once told me during a prenatal visit. I guess I did the right thing, she would want me to call. I mean I was past my due date and my water did break…maybe.

“Blake, you can go lay down and get some sleep, I’m just going to lay here a little longer.” He didn’t budge.

I felt like an animal who was nesting, getting their bed all ready for their new baby to arrive. I was wrestless and uncomfortable to just lay and relax in the tub, fidgeting and changing positions every few seconds. Ten minutes later, I was done with the tub and I wanted to be in my own bed. I was suddenly hit with one intense contraction after another. I quickly recalled the techniques I had read in a book, and told my body to relax every muscles, and I did. I felt no pain, but rather overwhelming joy that the baby was coming in the next few hours. Blake was getting the room all set up for when Agnes would arrive.

**A few days prior, I had a feeling that I should prepare to have a baby at home, which was against every belief that I formerly had about birth, for myself. Other people could give birth at home, I had no problem with that. But Catherine, she would make a mess in a hospital, and she would be served her lunches and ice packs whenever she asked them for them by the nurse. But the feeling was so heavy that it was all I could think about, so I finally told Blake.

“Honey, if things start to happen quickly, I’m okay if I have this baby at home…” I couldn’t believe what I was saying, yet I suddenly felt at ease and every bit of anxiety that I previously had about giving birth left me at that very moment. Blake was surprisingly on board and didn’t question any of it. He also felt at ease with this thought. Still, I did not actually plan on having a baby at home, I just prepared…meaning, I covered my mattress with thick hospital pads that my good friend had given me as a joke in case I had a home birth like she did.**

As I lay in my bed swinging at these 10 contractions that had all of a sudden come flying at me like fast balls, all in a 10-minute span, Blake was preparing the room to my exact orders. He was running around and doing it so quickly, as if the baby were coming very soon. I was in my zone, feeling every contraction with immense gratification and ease. My body was doing the work of a miracle, without anything holding it back not even my own fears. I was worry free and happy. I felt my lips curl up in a smile as I concentrated on relaxing. Any minute now, Anges would walk through the door and support me for the next phase, the hard phase. She would tell me exactly what to do. Going to the hospital at this point had not even crossed my mind, yet I still never expected the outcome, it was too much to think about, so I didn’t. I focused on my work, the greatest work I had to do in that very moment.

“I’m just going to quickly email off my lesson plans to the substitute teacher, I’ll be right back…” Blake said to me with one hand on my back.

As he exited the room, the next contraction came with the biggest surprise. My pelvic muscles suddenly expanded and I felt as if I had a bowling ball pushing down and out of me.

“BLAKE!!”  The shock of the situation overwhelmed me. I wasn’t actually planning on giving birth at home…All I said was that I was okay if it were to happen, I didn’t actually think it would happen this way…Anges was just coming over to check my progression, that’s all...nothing else.

As Blake entered the bedroom he panicked. “She’s coming out!” Next thing I heard was his voice speaking very loudly and urgently…

“Where are you? Agnes, the baby is coming out right now!”

The next voice was a woman on speaker phone, surely not Agnes as Agnes’ voice was distinct, Irish, definitive, confident. This voice was asking silly questions, and Blake was giving silly answers,

“TWO, ONE, EIGHT, ONE NAVAHO DRIVE…….SEVEN ZERO NINE ZERO SEVEN FOUR SEVEN”

Why is he yelling out digits to Agnes?? Shouldn’t she know our address?

The next contraction came and I was laying on my side pulling my leg up at my calf…screaming, mostly out of shock that I was actually pushing a baby out of me that very moment with no professional in attendance.

“Babe, you have to lay on your back.”

No way was I lying on my back. I quickly thought back to how vulnerable I felt when I gave birth to our first child. I immediately got up on all fours facing my window and clenching my pillow. At this point, any feeling of gratification was gone, I was panicking, hyperventilating, I had lost control. I wasn’t scared, but I was in pain and I could no longer relax as my contraction was winding down.

“It’s your time to relax Catherine, you can relax now.”

His voice was so soothing; how did he know what to say? His words were like strong medicine and the best thing I could have heard in that very moment. He was everything I needed and I depended on his words to carry me through. I dropped my previously uptight shoulders, relaxed my jaw muscles, and then my whole body unclenched. I regained my composure, recharged my battery, and then that feeling slowly but all too quickly began to come back. Time to push again. At this point Blake was behind me, ready to catch; and catch he did. Out she came, a limp baby girl. He held her in his hands, and I buried my head in my pillow, completely relieved, breathing hard, smiling and so incredibly happy that it was over and that she was here.

“Is she breathing…” said the lady, who wasn’t Agnes, on the phone.

“Umm, hold on.” Blake wasn’t sure what to say. No, she wasn’t breathing, but I had just given birth and he didn’t want to alarm me. The cord was snug around her neck as she came out, and he unraveled it right away.

“I don’t hear a cry, is she breathing…” the lady again.

“No….she’s not.” Blake quickly came to accept that he had lost her, our most perfect miracle baby had vanished in his hands. He felt a mix of overwhelming sadness, but then so much gratitude and relief that I was okay. Just as he had accepted the most devastating loss, our little girl began to gargle, and then cry. Pure relief on his end, and I was still just glad that it was over and it never even crossed my mind that my husband went through thirty seconds of hell.

I turned around and sat in a pool of my own blood, and blissfully held our little miracle. The entire experience was a miracle.

“Congratulations!” said the lady over the phone. “I will hang up with you in case they try and call you, they should be there shortly.”

I was oblivious to what that even meant. I was still waiting for Agnes to pop through the door. We hugged, we kissed, our hearts were racing with excitement over what we had just experienced. Five minutes later, the paramedics were in my bedroom. Was I screaming that loud that our neighbors called 9-11? They hooked me up and checked my vitals, and then the baby’s.  They clamped the cord, and let Blake cut it. We were healthy, both me and our perfect daughter. Now the medics were standing around wondering what to do next.

“Where is your midwife?” the one asked.

Fifteen minutes later, we get a call. “I’m here, let me in.”  She races over to my bedroom, scans the room, looks at me with a grin and says,

“See?!  I told ya ya didn’t need me!”

Positive Thinking

I am a believe in thinking positively! Here is a pdf file that has positive thinking prompts!

http://www.simplyfreshdesigns.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/positive-thoughts-prompts.pdf

28 days of play

As part of a series called "28 days of play" I submitted this story, and it was just published. It can be found here.

Playing is not what I do best. This year, I specifically set a goal for my relationship with each of my 3 children based on what I felt they needed from me. My goal for my 4-year-old daughter is to play with her everyday for at least 30 minutes. Simple you say? Well, not for me. I am not a natural playing-type. That’s what my husband does, and he does it well and loves it. Me, not so much.

Sure, I’m around as she plays and I facilitate it. I take good care of her. I feed her, bathe her, kiss her, help her with learning, clean up with her, bake with her, brush her hair, wash her clothes, help make her bed, read to her…but I don’t play. In fact, I tried making myself play once, and I sat there hoping she would forget I was there so I could sneak off and fold laundry. That sounds horrible…clearly, I am far from perfect.

So, in an effort to do better in this area, I began the “give it 100″ challenge at the beginning of January. Each day of the week while the baby sleeps, we have a minimum of 30 minutes of playtime. Yes, I actually do set the timer. And you know what? Sometimes I dread it. But since it’s on my ‘to do’ list for the day, I do it. I’m a list kind of girl. Once I get going into her world and forget about mine for that short time, I see her in a different light and marvel at her active imagination and ability to love and interact with me. Most of the time, I am amazed at how much I love being in her world and doing what she wants. Maybe one day I’ll just play for the sake of playing and forget the timer; that’s the plan anyways. After all, she is only 4 for 365 days, and I imagine that one day I may wish these days back. –Catherine, Ottowa Canada.

Blessings of today

Today could have been a horrible day. Actually, I went back and forth in my mind and my attitude about whether or not it was going to be a horrible day or not.

This morning, the dryer broke. I put little guy's shoes in it to dry, and then boom...it went bonkers. I was on the phone with my sister while hubby was trying to fix the machine with frustration. I was frustrated too. We have no income, and now we have to buy a new dryer? COME ON!! Calling my sister was my way out of anger. I decided to put her on hold, and hold a small prayer, a sincere prayer, praying that hubby would be guided to fix the machine. And guess what...3 minutes later it was fixed. He found 2 toys melted inside the dryer...made me laugh.

The place was a disaster this afternoon and baby girl cried from the van all the way up to our floor. Actually, she screamed bloody murder. Silent prayer. Put her in her room, and she fell asleep. I then pleaded for hubby to leave and do his work at the library. While he was gone and while baby girl was sleeping, I made banana muffins, dinner, and brownies...it felt good.

Tonight at our Youth activity, it fell apart. My brother didn't show up to babysit, so we took the kids. Baby girl was clingy and little guy fell apart about 5 times. Like, completely fell apart. The plans for the activity went totally wrong...and my initial thoughts and feelings were frustration and anger. Silent prayer. The night was dealt with patience and we changed our plans and played games instead...it was fun.

Lesson learned...blessings are everywhere and it's up to us to recognize them. I could have easily ended the day in frustration in stress. Instead I have seen the blessings and tender mercies given to me by a loving Father in Heaven who hears and answers our prayers.

Filling the measure of our creation

This morning as I was sitting outside on our balcony watching the sun rise, I sat contemplating the meaning of my life and if I was actually making a difference or even fulfilling something of much importance. I have a degree to which I have not put to "working" use. I am 26 years old and staying at home with our 2 little children, sometimes (dare I say it) comparing myself to other women who leave and go to work and are still adored by their families. Am I experiencing real joy?

As  I was thinking all of this, which was the span of about a minute, a spider ran across the arm of my chair. What a small little creature, I thought to myself. All they do is build a web, catch flies, eat them, and create more spiders. Then the thought occurred to me that it would be ridiculous to even begin to compare this spider to a human or to any other animal from a different species. That spider is filling the measure of its' creation, not my creation! In the scriptures we are promised that as we fill the measure of our creation, which is human terms means to follow the will of the Lord in our lives, that we will receive joy. Ultimately, filling the measure of our creation (D&C 88:19) would be to live a life worthy to return back to the presence of God and be exalted.

So what do we do then, when we question whether or not we are doing something of vast importance? Thinking about it now, it is not by chance that I am home with our 2 children. My husband and I were prompted by the spirit, who is greater in knowledge than we are, to live our lives this way. We began to have children when we felt that burning in our hearts. We went to BYU as a result of such promptings. We now live where we live as a result of such feelings, and pursuing our life's work with the same direction. Filling the measure of our creation is connecting to a greater source of power, one who knows us better than we know ourselves. When we connect with that source of power, we are filled with love and with meaning and with purpose. It is when we start to look round about us and compare our lives to that of others (which is equivalent to me comparing my live to a spider's!) that we lose touch with that greater source of power. It is like Peter when we walked on water to meet Jesus. As he kept his eyes on the Savior he was a living miracle, but is it when he cast his eyes at the happenings around him that he began to doubt, have fear, and sink.

A girl named Liz once said, "I used to think that being rich simply meant having money.  But I have realized that being rich means being able to share whatever it is we’re blessed with.  Although I have never had less of the things of the world than I have now, I have never been so rich.”


Filling the measure of our creation does not mean to appear to be rich according to the world's standards, but according to the Lord's standards. It is only when we compare ourselves to His high standards that we achieve true and lasting joy, key words here: true and lasting, not counter-fit and temporary. This reminds me of my sister in law who shares her story of quitting her job to become a stay at home mom. It is what her heart had been telling her to do, and although it is hard and doesn't have as many worldly rewards as does going to work, she is filling the measure of her creation, by following the burning desires of her heart.


On days where I am feeling I am not accomplishing much, it would be wise to ponder what it is I am doing here. The purpose of "filling the measure of my creation" is to become more like my Father in Heaven so that I can be worthy to return and live with him. If I am following the burning desires of my heart, then what I am experiencing and going through is all meant to allow me to grow and become like Him, as long as I allow it to. As long as I am fixing my eyes on the Savior, and not casting my eyes and comparing to the world around me, I am a living miracle. I should rejoice in the fact that He knows more than I know and is shaping me from a rough stone, slowly chip by chip, into a smooth stone.


"We are children of Father in Heaven.  He really is our Father.  He has only one purpose in His own experience and for us His children:  that we return home to Him—pure and clean and ready to inherit all that He has" (Elder Christensen, BYU-Idaho devotional, 2006).

Oprah

Although I wasn't a hard core watch-her-every-day-fan, I enjoyed tuning in every now and then, and I find much of what she teaches to be inspiring and uplifting.

Yesterday was her fair-well show, and I loved this quote that she shared:

"Please be responsible for the energy you take into this space."

She has this quote printed and framed around the workplace for the employees to remember everyday. What a great working environment that must have been.

When we surround ourselves with positivism and people who want the best for you and wish the best for you, you grow and progress. It's like planting a flower in good soil and providing it with the sunlight and water it needs, and some. It's so important to stand in places that are positive or even holy. This enables optimal growth and progression.

Hurting Others

Have you ever hurt or offended someone?  I sure have.

Have you ever done so without meaning to? Pretty much every-time I have offended someone, it was unintentional (I think it usually is).

Have you ever lost a friend over it? Yes.

Have you ever hurt someone you care about when what you intended to do was help and uplift them? Yesterday.

So what do you do when you meant what you said, but it wasn't accepted that way? My heart feels so sad, and I just want to apologize and take it all back....but the truth is, I am sorry I hurt someone, but I don't necessarily take back what I said. 

I can accept the fact that I don't always pick the perfect scenario or set things up just right before I state what I feel, and that is a fault of mine. The way things are said usually have a huge influence on how it is received from the other person, and did I say it right? Obviously not.

The truth is, we are imperfect, and what I can do from this experience is learn from it.

The other day, a friend of mine told me that when you worry about things you can't necessarily do anything about, it takes energy away from the important things I need to pay attention to on a day to day basis, like my children.

She told me that when I feel excessive worry for such things that I can't change, to pray and give those pains of worry away to the Lord, and move on.

She was inspired to tell me that, because this happened just a few days after. 

Ohhh the joys of being human; constantly learning, falling, readjusting, getting back up and trying again. It's a good thing, I guess.

Joy of Life #5

Getting to sleep in, but not only that, waking up to my little girl already dressed up, and my son's bed is made! Brownie points for the hubby right there--he sure makes my life much easier!

Joy of Life #4

A day like today. A snowy yet sunny day. A day when you can bundle up, go outside and breath the cool fresh air. A day when the sun is reflecting off the untouched snow, so much so that it sparkles. I loved today--my whole entire being is so happy because of days like today!

Joys of life #3

I've decided to list things, people, events, ideas, quotes, foods, etc...that bring more joy into my life. Some of them are small menial things, some are greater and more significant, but each contributes to my level of joy.


When it's Saturday morning, meaning I stayed up way too late last night watching "Runaway Bride" and "Say yes to the dress" (kind of ironic), and your kids sleep in the next morning. 


Oh man, I am feeling good!






That is my Joy of Life #3.






Plus the fact that this little girl looks like an angel <3

Joys of life #2

I've decided to list things, people, events, ideas, quotes, foods, etc...that bring more joy into my life. Some of them are small menial things, some are greater and more significant, but each contributes to my level of joy. 


Joy of life #2: Going on a 'surprise' date with my husband

Ok, going on a date in general is a good thing, especially when it's been what seems like forever since we've gone out just the two.


BUT....nothing beats a date that you had no idea about until you get a phone call from your father-in-law asking what time you want them to come over (it's ok, he spoiled the surprise, but I was surprised when he called, so it still counts as a surprise, yes it does).


If you've never been before, Koreana BBQ in China Town Ottawa, it is amazing. Then we hit the grocery store (haha, I feel old), to finish off the date with some grocery buying without kiddos, it was a happy day.

Joys of life #1

I've decided to list things, people, events, ideas, quotes, foods, etc...that bring more joy into my life. Some of them are small menial things, some are greater and more significant, but each contributes to my level of joy. 

In no particular order, and as I think of them on a day to day basis, here is my Joy of Life #1:

That's right. A fan. It is a wonderful sleeping tool:

• as a noise maker in my kids bedroom! Oh man alive. I love fans. And yes, realize that it may be creating a dependency on having a nice wooshing sound as they fall asleep, but I love this wooshing sound as I fall asleep, too, and I don't have to worry about being annoyed with my neighbors, because this wooshing sound of my fan blocks it out, and I love it.
• oh and also since it gets ridiculously hot here in the summer months, nice to have a nice cool breeze, ya know?

It is worth recording and being grateful for our small and great joys, because gratitude attracts into our lives more reasons to be grateful! It's life a vicious cycle, only its quite the opposite of vicious.

New Bog Title

WHY?

My husband always says, "just living the good life." Like when someone asks him about exams, or getting up at 2am with a crying child, or when shoveling 5 feet of snow...he likes to respond, "yep, just living the good life!"

I've thought a lot about that.

Yea, although he says it sarcastically, he really is living the good life (well he better be gosh darnit!)

Depends on how you see things. We can all live the good life, if we learn to find joy in your daily tasks and lives. At first, seems a little rough to try and do that, but it gets addicting to find the good in everything you do, seriously!

YOU are responsibly for choose your state of happiness, no one else. You can be rich and miserable, or rich and happy, or poor and miserable, or poor and happy (but then really, you're not poor, are you?! hmm.).

My point? We can all live a good life, actually a GREAT life, if we choose it. Well, I chose that year ago anyways, and I can honestly say that I'm living a joy life, and it's a good life!

Self-Check: Question

"When adversity and tragedy strike are you growing and getting better or are you shrinking and getter bitter?"

It's actually easier to shrink, in my opinion, but it fosters bitterness and misery. I've seen it in a lot of people. People who won't share their pocessions, who don't speak up, who are not confident in who they are because at one time or another they were let down or failed and instead of growing, they shrunk...instead of getting better, they got bitter. But tragedy strikes on us all, and it's up to us to choose our reactions.

How do you react when opposition comes?

To read more, check this out.

Sleep: Babies and the Time Change

Remember those days when the fall time change was an amazing thing?! Extra hour of sleep, oh baby...

speaking of babies,

it's a whole different ball game with them! Since they have their "internal clocks" all figured out (or so they think), they get up at the same time, regardless of what our clocks say.

So now, on that previously incredible sunday morning after the time change, instead of feeling refreshed that morning when the alarm rings at 7am, (and it's just like waking up at 8am, booyea!)....our babies start waking up at 6am, making us feel like we lost an hour--which we didn't, but the thought of 6am is WAY too early!!

My Solution:

Starting wednesday, I started putting the kids to bed 15 minutes later than their normal bedtime. Last night, they went to bed 30 minutes later. Tonight they will go to bed 45 minutes later. And tomorrow night, they will go to bed 1 hour past their bed time, to be right on track with the time change when we "lose an hour." Maybe this year I'll benefit from the "extra hour" of sleep....we'll see.

Think it'll work?

What do you do with your kids to cope with the time change?

Half Off Hapari

Financial health for me involved getting awesome deals. Something about getting a good deal on good quality stuff is the best cause you would pay the same price for lower quality items, so may as well get "the good stuff" right?!

Hapari Swimwear is offering 1/2 off ALL OF THEIR PRODUCTS even their clearance items, for just 2 days!! If you're Canadian, it works too, but the shipping prices seem ridiculous to me, so I'm just shipping them to someone I know in the states.

I have a tankini from them and I love it!

Promo code to use at checkout: fall50

**btw, I am in no way associated to Hapari Swimwear other than I love their swim-wear and love a good deal!*

Life changing quotes

I am writing this for "Something to talk about" which is a genius idea from a college roommate of mine. It was inspired by a talk about looking at the world and others with optimistic lenses, aka the good things in life rather than the bad, which I am all for! You can link up here, and share anything that is good (recipe, good quote, something funny)...really anything, every monday-tuesday!

Here I go,

"...hope and happiness and joy are not products of circumstance but of faith..." Wilford W. Andersen

You should read that again! :)

Most of us allow our current circumstances to determine our overall happiness. Strange, since "stuff happens" all the time, which makes for a pretty downer life! But why is it that we allow circumstances to dictate our happiness? Well, easy answer is that we're human, and humans are imperfect and we don't always know how to react to circumstances.

It's helpful to know, for me, that peace, joy, happiness can come and is meant to come to us even during the hardest times in our lives. In fact, during the most difficult times in my life, I have had some of the most amazing experiences with experiencing overwhelming love and peace from a loving Father in Heaven.

It is easier and almost feels a lot better to turn to a different source, however. A source of anger, bitterness, hatred etc...For some reason, it feels good in the moment because we feel a sense of release by doing so. But true happiness comes when we turn to another source. In my case, a loving and perfect God who can replace those feelings with peace and a better outlook of things as they really are, rather than as they seem.

We choose our reactions. We choose our outlook on life. Sure, our life experiences help shape that, but make no mistake that it is our choice.

"It matters not how straight the gait, how charged with punishments the scroll. I am the master of my fate, I am the captain of my soul" William Earnest Henley

This is a quote that Nelson Mandella lived by.

If we look at the lives of great leaders, we should not be surprised to find out that they did not have it so easy. Why? Because in order to be humble, selfless, and do things for the good of others, we often have to be chastened and tried so that we develop the characteristics we need to then influence others. Nelson Mandela spent 27 years in prison prior to becoming president of South Africa because he was fighting against racial segregation. These many years in prison was a time of refinement for him, where he developed many important traits, such as temperance, that would lead him to do the things he did as President and to be the inspiration that he is.

Without trials in our lives, what would make us want to change and become better? After all, a diamond undergoes tremendous pressure to become a diamond, the end result is extreme resilience and beauty. Adversity is necessary.

Although life isn't always easy, we are meant to have JOY, and I have really felt a whole lot of that in my life. I believe God gives us or allows us to go thought certain circumstances each individually for a purpose, and that is to make us better people and happier people, if we choose wisely our reactions. It is our choice to find joy in those things we are given and the circumstances we may be placed in.

A huge key to being happy is to be grateful for what he have now, instead of waiting to be happy when ___________. There is so much to be said about enjoying the now and learning from the now combined with hope for the future. Be optimistic, life is really good, start believing it and it will start happening.

Oh and if you haven't already, you should watch "Invictus." One of my top fave movies.

So you want more, eh?

...then start giving.

You want more money? Give more.

You want more love? Love others more.

You want more _______. Then give.

"The law of success is service."

I have heard time and time again people saying that you can't give to others unless you have something to give. I have to disagree. We all have something to give and it's all worthy of giving. The more you give, the more you'll get in return, and then the more you get, the more you can then in turn give. It's like a viscous cycle....without the viscous part.

But here is the trick to giving...

We need to LOVE giving. Give with a big heart, with a full heart, and without expecting anything in return from the one whom you are giving to. You will receive much more in return, you'll receive the things that actually bring happiness to you individually, in ways that will amaze you, even happiness, loads and loads of it.

"That thine alms may be in secret: and thy Father which seeth in secret himself shall reward thee openly." Matthew 6:4

I know someone who gives a lot of time, but this individual complains all the time about it and feels as though people expect too much of him. He is not getting "his moneys worth" out of his service because of the way he regards his service (I won't say he may as well not serve because the recipient may still benefit and he may in time catch a glimpse of the true value in his service). But I will say this,

that this is what he does not understand:

When you feel good, you receive more that makes you feel good. "That we get what we give, and for this reason we should consider it a great privilege to be able to give."

If we give with a bad attitude, we receive more experiences in life that promote a bad attitude.

Giving is a GREAT privilege. Yes it is a privilege to give. Take advantage of this gift, and find joy in doing so, because it is one of the greatest secrets to true happiness and to acquiring what you desire most in life.

In the words of Charles Haanel, as I've quoted in this post a few times, it is just as essential to give as to get. So if you find yourself lacking something, start giving what it is you want, and do it with a smile and a heart full of love...it will come back to you in ways that will fill your life and heart with even more than you could imagine! Oh, and stop comparing and demeaning what you have because someone else has more...that defeats the whole purpose. Be happy with you, because YOU are incredible.

Joy or misery?

I have been thinking a lot about happiness or misery.

Why is it that some people generally live happy lives, and others don't?

Is it because of what has happened to them? Is it because life was unfair to them? Is it because they don't have support? Is it because that's just the way it is?

If that is the case, then life is miserable and uncontrollable and there is no hope for happiness because we all (yes, we all) face hardships in our lives.

So that can't be.

I just listened to Elder Hallstrom's talk from General Conference in April 2010. It hit me hard then, and it hit me hard again now.

We cannot always choose what happens to us in our lives, yes, that is life. But we do choose our reactions.

He says, "No matter the size of the issue, how we respond can reset the course of our life."

I have been greatly saddened lately by the burdens I see other people carrying. It is depressing and gives me little hope of being able to conquer my own challenges, and by conquer I mean becoming better than I was before and moving forward with greater love and joy.

My favorite scripture is: Men are that they might have Joy (2 Nephi 2:25)

But I just recently saw the MIGHT part of it. Why might we have joy, why isn't it a guarantee?

Agency. We are free to choose how we act and react.

Elder Hallstrom goes on to say,

"Throughout the world...there is great joy and great pain, both are part of the plan. Without one, we cannot know the other."

The scriptures, "Men are that they might have Joy" and "There must be an opposition in all things" are not contradictory, they are complementary.

I have been experiencing a lot of opposition lately, but that is life. I;ve come to realize that opposition is ok, but how I react is what will determine the outcome of my life. I am learning how to react when things don't go my way. I am learning patience and greater love for others. I am learning how to become closer to the one who created me, and that is the only reason I am experience JOY rather than misery at this time in my life.

Keep moving forward, and turn to God. It's hard to even make that step because we humans, we want to become angry and resentful...it feels better in the moment. But don't. Take all the courage that is in you, kneel down, offer thanks, and ask for help. In the long run, this makes for a good good even a JOYFUL life.

"Never let an earthly circumstance disable you spiritually."

It is how you react during hard times that ultimately determine how happy you become. It is easy to be happy when things are going great. Learn to find the good in the times you feel life is not so good....because in adversity are hidden gems and stepping stones to help us progress.

Was Blind but Now I See

Everyone is in a different stage in life and learning different things at different levels. [That is why we shouldn't EVER judge other people's decisions because we simple do not know where they are at in their own personal development--but that's a topic for another day].

I pray often. I used to be able to pray and just receive, that simple. But as my understanding has grown of who I am and who I should become as a person and daughter of a loving Father in Heaven, the way I pray and what I ask for has changed quite a bit.

I had an experience this morning that taught me a lot about my attitude when I pray and ask for something.

We are in the middle of a big move. Most of our stuff is boxed up, and will stay boxed up for quite some time until we settle down. I was looking for something that I needed now, this was last week. I was very overwhelmed with our move and things seemed very chaotic in my mind. My patience was low, and I was very frustrated.

Of course I prayed that I would find what I was looking for, and I fully expected that I would find it. But I didn't.

A few days later, after my emotions had calmed down a bit and I was a bit less overwhelmed, I felt at peace that I would find what I was looking for, and basically to just chill out a bit. This scared me cause I didn't know if it meant that I wouldn't find it but that it was ok, or that I would eventually find it. So I just chilled out a bit for a few days and stopped thinking about it so much.

This morning, I felt great. My daughter went down for a nap, and so I decided to would go out and look for these items once again. The thought of having to go out and sift through everything again was overhwleming, but I didn't let it get to me.

About 10 minutes after I got into the storage area, I found the box I was looking for!

There it was, right in front of my face, labeled as I knew I had labeled it, in the box that I thought it would be in.

Why did I not see this before??? I literally turned everything upside down just a week prior, and I did not see it sitting there right in front of my eyes. I learned a lot from this small experience, and although it wasn't something I needed that was life changing, it was important to me at this time.

It's good to pray, but even better to be in the right attitude and spirit when we ask for something. It's like whinning and crying that we want something, but never stopping and standing still to actually listen for the directives to get what it is we are wanting/needing.

"Be still and know that I am God"